How to Help Parents with Finicky Eaters… (September 2014)
I see many kids, tweens and teens. The topic has come up countless times: “What do I do with my kid who is a picky eater, without coming across as the food police?” I thought this would be a good topic to discuss as it important for parents to understand where their child is coming from.
On some level we are all particular with our food choices. We know what we like or dislike based on the familiarity of eating the same foods over and over. For kids, that may be ever more challenging when they have not been exposed to new foods or their parents are fussy eaters.
According to my colleague Ellyn Satter, MS RD who has written several books on eating competence for children she describes, “Eating Competence is not so much about food, as it is about the feelings and attitudes that surround eating”.
It is important for the parent to have a nonjudgmental attitude around food. If mom or dad is speaking to their child when they have struggles about food, then their child will pick up on that attitude and will not be open to try a new food. Removing words that involve any type of pressure such as “getting” is important as kids associate that with guilt, especially if they feel poorly after not being able to succeed.
When mom and dad are able to back off of the finicky eater and tell the child to select what they enjoy, the child becomes more relaxed and their feelings improve. It is necessary for the parent to do this for him/herself. The parent will want to take time to relax and work on legalizing the “forbidden food”, become a mindful and present eater, while learning how to connect to their self. During that time the shame will subside by eating that food. Also learning how to eat in public will help and your child will begin to see you as a role model.
If you are at a dinner party, it is ok to serve yourself as this can help you by neutralizing uncomfortable feelings. Select the food choices that are right for you and take more the food choices that you enjoy. When dining out, it is not ok to create a dish off the menu. This will enforce the behavior to your child that being finicky is acceptable. Eating off of someone else’s plate or drawing attention to your own eating refusal.
This is important to address within yourself as this will help your child in the future. This is allowing you as a parent that there is a problem that is being addressed. The long term goal is to feel positive about your relationship with food. Select from foods that are available and learn how to engage with people in a meal situation without feeling uncomfortable, which again will only help your child.
